Frederick the Fruit Fly Slayer – Bethalynne Bajema

I noticed the other day there was a large web at the bottom of the stairwell leading into the basement. Sitting in it was a strange looking spider I wasn’t terribly familiar with species wise. It had extremely long thin legs, a very small head and a large oval shaped butt that almost looked like pale silver. His web was filled with tiny little web balls that I assume belonged to the random fruit fly that wanders from the basement where the recycling bin for bottles is. I gave it a nod of approval for helping with the fruit fly battle.

As I was heading upstairs I suddenly heard the thundering intro to Iron Man. I quickly moved to look down the stairwell again and witnessed this strange spider in full attack mode. He was rolling his catch into a dinner cocoon with his bottom two legs while he enthusiastically played air guitar with his upper two legs. He looked at me and said in his spider voice (which was, honestly, far louder than I thought that body could produce) “I’m Frederick the fruit fly slayer bitches! Dun dun dun dun dun, dunadunadunaduna dun dun dun…”

I smiled and quietly gave him devil signs with my hands and headed back upstairs. I’m not sure where he’s hiding his stereo but thankfully I’ve only had to tell him to turn his Black Sabbath down a few times. We have been blessedly fruit fly free.